Day 7 of Thankfulness

Bear with me, today's post is going to be long and full of memories. One of my original intentions for this blog was for to use it to write out some thoughts and work through things that way. Today I need to work my way through some memories of my friend of 38 years, Pam, who died yesterday.

I got the news about a year ago that she had breast cancer. Then about 6 weeks ago I heard it had spread to her brain, lungs, liver, bones.... She was hoping to make it long enough to see her son graduate from high school in May. She didn't make it. My heart breaks for that boy. He had no father in his life.

As it goes with a lot of long-distant friendships, the contact between Pam and I had lessened over the years. We visited her family a couple of times. We emailed occasionally. We heard news about each together through our parents who are friends and live on the same street. I last saw her about 6 years ago when we both happened to be at our parents' for Christmas at the same time. We ran in to each other at Target, of all places. That night, I borrowed my parents' car and picked her up and we went out for coffee. (Well, I'm not a coffee drinker, but it's metaphorical -- you get the idea...) She had recently been divorced so we talked through all that and talked and talked and talked. We stayed until the place started putting the chairs on the tables and cleaning. We got the hint.

I've been really kicking myself for the last day for not doing a better job of keeping in touch. Why is it we get so "busy" (can that be interpreted as selfish?) with our own lives that we neglect relationships. It doesn't matter whether those relationships are right in our own town, or several hundred miles away. The same thing seems to happen. I could go on and on about this excuse of being busy. I'll just say -- you make time for what is important to you. (I'm included in this.)

Pam and I met in the 7th grade. Thirty-eight years ago. I don't recall how our paths crossed. We must have had some classes together that first year of junior high. (Remember when we called it junior high?) I remember by 8th grade she made fun of me for still being in swimming class in P.E., for not testing out. She was a swimmer, swam on a swim team and all. I succumbed to peer pressure and did end up testing out.

We would walk all over town, hang out at Happy Joe's Pizza, McDonald's, Shakey's Pizza and have sleep-overs. We used to walk part of the way home from high school, and stand on the corner where we parted ways and talk and talk and talk. (What do teenagers find so much to talk about??) Before our senior year in high school, her family moved... to a house just down the street from my parents! I used to borrow her oh-so-cool radio headphones when I had to mow the lawn. I used to call her to have her come over when I needed to take a shower and no one else was home. (I had stupidly gone to a stupid, awful, disgusting horror movie and freaked my self out.) Like tiny little Pam could protect me from the imaginary bogie-man! Ha! I used to wander down the street to visit so often I earned the nick-name of "Pesty Neighbor" from her family.  :) They always said it with a smile.

Pam had a pretty ring with a black pearl and a white pearl on it. I just loved it and asked for one from my parents. They gave me one as my high school class ring.

Pam and her sister would get a baby chicken for Easter and I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

Here is a picture of Pam at our high school graduation 32 1/2 years ago. She smiled a lot.

 Then college came and we went to opposite state universities. (I went to the right one. ;) ) We'd see each other when we were home on breaks and during the summer. I think we wrote some letters to each other.

Right after I graduated from college, I got married.  She and her mom hosted a bridal shower for me. Pam and her mom and her sister helped serve cake and punch at the reception.

Even though Hubby and I moved a long ways away, I would still be able to catch up with Pam whenever we visited my parents.

I had babies. She sent the most funnest gift for each of them. (Bad grammar, I know, but it expresses what I mean.) Pam worked at a sporting goods store and gave each of the kids a tiny pair of shoes. She gave Caleb some awesome Reebok high-tops and Megan some adorable pink and white Nikes. I dug through our photo albums yesterday and found a picture of each of them as babies with their shoes on. Hubby bought some Reeboks to match Caleb.

 

I saved those shoes and now I am very happy that I did! (Oh those babies are soooo adorable! I wish I could hold them again!)

When I was pregnant with Megan, I was a bridesmaid in Pam's wedding. I actually found out I was pregnant on my way to her wedding. I had gone to the doctor earlier that day and stopped to call the doctor's office (at a pay phone!) to find out the results. Pam knew I was pregnant before my parents did.

(I have a picture of the whole wedding party, but I don't think I'll post it. The marriage ended several years ago and it was not pretty.)

Here's a shot of me in the bridesmaid dress...keep in mind it was 1989. Very stylish for 1989, don't you think? :)  (Note the matching dyed shoes...)

A funny side story ... Megan wore this dress when she was a senior in high school for a Halloween costume. She was "Deb" from Napoleon Dynamite. (Anyone a fan of that movie?) I wish I could find a better picture of Megan than this...

I never told Pam that her bridesmaid dress ended up being a Halloween costume. I hope she would have found it funny.

I know this is a very long post. I wrote it for me. I have regrets about whether or not I was a good enough friend. I pray I can change that and never have another friend die that I feel that way about.

Her family is bringing her body back to our home town and the funeral will be there later this week. I will be there. Her mom and dad are having a really hard time with this. (What parent wouldn't?) Her sister is too. Pam leaves behind two kids, one in college and one senior in high school. I pray their dad will step in and be a dad to them. They need it.

I miss you already, Pam.

I am thankful for...

...my friend, Pam, of 38 years

...memories