Some Things I Want to Remember

There have been some moments over the last three weeks, that I want to remember.

God has shown His tender mercies in so many ways.

The first weekend after my mom's stroke, my son and his wife made the five hour trip to see his grandma and grandpa. And, he said, fifty percent of the reason they came was for me. Those hugs from my boy in those first few days were exactly what I needed.

There have been a number of family friends that have made a special trip just to see my mom and dad. Some of these people I have known since I was a baby. Some came into my parents' lives later on and are faithful friends. I heard from more than one person that my dad has asked them along the way, "What are you going to do with Jesus?" and they said their life would have been so different if not for that. They talked about the sweet hospitality of my parents. One friend talked about how my parents invited him and a friend for Bible study and they stayed to play with us four kids. (He ended up being the photographer at my wedding and my sisters' weddings.)

My nephew and his family came from North Carolina to see his grandma. (And later his siblings came as well.) My nephew's little girl, who is three years old, was told they were going to the hospital to see Grandma and she asked if Grandpa was going to be there because  "They belong together, they're a match". Sweetest thing out of the mouth of a toddler.

The first weekend of Mom's hospitalization, my daughter was in Ohio vising a college friend. She flew back to Kansas City on that Tuesday and then hopped in her car and drove to Iowa to see her grandma and grandpa (and me).

I will never forget the moments between Megan and her grandma. My Mom gave a vocal exclamation when she saw her baby granddaughter and I saw tears in my mom's eyes. Megan sat down in a chair next to Grandma with her journal and her Bible. While on the plane, Megan had looked up some scriptures to read to her grandma.

I snapped a couple of pictures with my phone

Megan and I sang "Jesus Loves Me" together.

Those moments.... I felt like I was on Holy Ground. Amazing. That girl of mine is something else. So proud of her and what God has done in her life.

The next day, I was leaning over Mom and talking to her and she reached up with her left hand and brushed my bangs out of my face. Tender moment.

I had thought that I would be able to read as I sat in my mom's room, but I couldn't concentrate enough and the activity in the room was crazy. Always someone coming in to check something, or the IV machine beeping or visitors. So I tended to play games on my phone. Lots and lots of Solitaire and Angry Birds and Words With Friends and Scrabble. One afternoon I was thinking that I am thankful for my smart phone. Then I made this list of things I was thankful for and posted on my Facebook:

Thankful for:
**My daughter (who is in her last year of pharmacy school)
**My daughter-in-law (first year resident doctor)
**My son and his prayers, sense of humor and music suggestions
**My husband whose name is Peter and it my rock (Peter means rock)
**My dad's love for my mom
**The hospital people who are kind to my mom
**Seeing a high school classmate who works in this hospital and getting some hugs and a

    sympathetic ear
**My parents' friends who have come to the hospital to visit
**A smartphone to distract me
**Jesus Christ and His everlasting and ever-sustaining love and strength
**My mom (and dad's) love for Christ

I have also been amazed at the number of cards my parents have gotten from friends and family. Dad reads them to Mom every day. I even received a card this week from Hubby's aunt saying that they are thinking of me and praying for my family. So sweet.

I realize this is a little disjointed, but I just wanted to record these things so I can remember God's tender mercies in this time.

A Few God Things

Yesterday I attended the funeral of my dad's life-long friend. Dad was asked by his friend to officiate the funeral service. When I arrived at the church and saw my dad he told me that the family had requested he speak on Psalm 23. He told me this with a slight grin on his face and said, "Do you think it was a coincidence that we stayed at your house Sunday morning and listened to that sermon?"

(Sunday morning we stayed home and listened to a sermon from our son's church on line.)

(The sermon was on Psalm 23.)

This was absolutely a God Thing. God orchestrated the small details of our lives.

Dad did a really great job with the service. And he didn't choke up, although I don't know how.

A God Thing.

As I was sitting next to my mom in the church before the service began, I thought I saw a woman that looked like my aunt. Mom couldn't see her at that moment, so was unable to confirm, but thought it probably was. After the service Mom and I were in my car waiting to join in the line of cars to the cemetery and a woman (who I didn't know) knocked on my window and asked if she and her friend could ride with us to the cemetery. I said, "Of course!" Would you believe me if I told you that the woman's friend was MY AUNT!?

So in my backseat was my aunt (whom I hadn't seen for 9 years) and a friend!

A God Thing. Again.

As we were chatting I said to Aunt Delores, "You should introduce me like Grandma used to and tell her that I'm 'Clair's baby'." (Clair is my dad's name.) (And it used to embarrass me so much when Grandma would say that.) To which my aunt's friend said, "Is this the baby you took care of?!"

(Back Story):

(When I was three months old, my mom and dad took a little break from having four kids in less than seven years and left us four kids with friends and family for a week. My parents picked me up from friends and then were heading to pick up the rest of my siblings. Along the way, they were in a  head-on car accident. Dad broke an arm and Mom shattered her knee and got a big cut on her head. I was in a basket on the front seat between them. [No car-seats back then.] Mom says I just rolled on the floor and wasn't hurt. Mom ended up staying in the hospital for two months. For those two months my aunt and uncle took care of me.)

So.....

This friend of my aunt's remember that from soooo many years ago!

A God Thing.

It was difficult to see the family in such grief, but sweet to look back and see God's hand in the details.

Just Enough Light (re-post)

**Reposted From October 15, 2007

Today marks the five year anniversary of this here blog. I thought I would re-post my very first post. This explains the reason for the name Just Enough Light.

If there is one thing I am learning in life as a Christian, it is that often God gives me just enough light for the step I'm on.

Trust.

Why do I lack trust when God has yet to fail me? I pray as I move on in my life, I remember God's faithfulness to me and my loved ones as we have faced difficult times. It seems the more difficult thing is waiting on God's timing. But His timing is always perfect. Just think how we'd mess things up if we rushed ahead. I am so guilty of wanting to do that.

Just Enough Light
Sometimes only the step I'm on,
or the very next one ahead,
is all that is illuminated for me.
God gives just the amount of light I need
for the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
unable to see the future
and not fully comprehending the past.
And because it is God who has given me
what light I have,
I know I must reject the fear and
doubt that threaten to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me where
I need to go.
I walk forward,
one step at a time,
fully trusting that
the light God sheds
is absolutely sufficient.

-Stormie Omartian

Thanks Be To Our God

I've been listening to some pretty dern good music in my car lately. I have two CDs of Travis Cottrell in the CD player. (Travis is the worship leader for Beth Moore's conferences.) After I've listened to one of his CDs I always feel like I have been in a worship service, even though it's just me, the car, the highway and God. But I guess that certainly can constitute a worship service, huh?

At the end of Travis' CD When The Stars Burn Down, there is a song called Thanks Be To Our God. I love that song so much I may wear out that part of the CD.  Here's a video of some church's worship team singing the song:



I response to that song, I thought I would make a list of things that I am thankful to God for. (Some serious, some silly.)

1. For a God who loves and forgives.
2. For a husband who loves and forgives and is beyond understanding.
3. For a husband who is willing to take me out for supper at the last minute when I lose my enthusiasm  for cooking at the last minute.
4. For a phone call from my daughter.
5. For a phone call from a dear friend. I haven't talked to her for two years and it was so good to hear her voice.
6. For the encouragement and love I heard over the phone from that friend.
7. For my friend making me feel like I still have friends somewhere.
8. For a short, mild winter.
9. For a lovely spring.
10. For pedicure season and pretty red toenails.
11. For asparagus.
12. For our extremely comfy bed.
13. For my sewing room.
15. For my mom teaching me how to sew when I was 9 years old.
16. For sewing projects that I am looking forward to tackling.
17. For jelly beans (sweet-tart flavored ones are my favorite).
18. For weekends spent with my hubby.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

1981 Summer Memories

The summer of 1981 was an important summer for me. I was 20 years old. I wasn't dating anyone. (But I did know the guy I'd marry, although if you would have told me that summer I'd marry him in three years, I would have told you you were nuts. I knew him, but at that point we were barely more than acquaintances.) 

I spent the whole summer of 1981 in Colorado. (Hmmm.... there seems to be a theme here and where I went in the summer time...)

I  spent the first month of the Summer of 1981 at Bear Trap Ranch. It's a camp that InterVarsity Christian Fellowship owns and runs about 8 miles up in the mountains from Colorado Springs. And by up in the mountains, I mean 9,100 feet up. (This is the same place we went as a family to Family Camp.)

I learned a lot in those four weeks at Bear Trap. One thing that really sticks out in my mind is a visual about how God and our relationship with Him needs to be at the center of our lives where all the other area of our lives are affected by it. We should not just have Him be a part all by itself. That was a new way of thinking for me at the time.

There were lots of other things learned and friendships made, overnight hiking trips that led to some of the nastiest blisters I've ever had on my feet, square dancing, Bible reading (1st and 2nd Samuel), hot tea drinking (to warm up my cold hands on those chilly Colorado mornings), letter reading and writing to friends from college, and then there was the really unfortunate choice I made of having my bangs cut. Yuck. I think they look hideous when I look at pictures of me from back then. Sigh. I was young, what can I say?

Here's proof that I did go repelling. It's not quite as high as my loved ones did twenty years later, but I still did it! (Ick.. you can see those nasty bangs poking out from under the helmet...)

The next two months were spent in Breckenridge, Colorado. Sigh. Beauty, pure beauty.

The time in Breckenridge was also with InterVarsity. There was a group of us (15-20 college students along with several staff people and their families) there on an Evangelism Project. We took jobs in the community and worked on living out our faith. I worked in this building at an ice cream parlor. When I washed dishes I looked out the back window at the ski mountain. So pretty! I also did some sewing and babysitting.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and learn some of the important spiritual things all over again. At least be able to look at them through more mature eyes. I'm sure I missed so much because I was only 20 years old.

Here's some of us at a cook-out. I'm the classy one in the white jacket and the ugly, unfortunate bangs. :)

I, sadly, have few pictures of my own from this summer. I remember somehow messing up the roll of film I took and ended up exposing much of the film. Some of my friends sent me copies of their pictures.

I did end up dating one of the guys in our group in Breckenridge. I learned a lot about relationships through him. About being open and honest in everything. I remember one conversation we had about how God sees us without blemish, holy and blameless. Still a hard concept for me to grasp since I see the ugliness in my heart.

Although at the time I thought that guy was "the one", looking back I see God's hand in guiding me to The One He had made for me. Because of my long distance relationship (after the summer was over) I was able to become friends with some guys back at college. My mom said told me then they were likely willing to be friends with me because I was "safe". They didn't have to worry about me wanting to date them and could just be my friend because I was dating someone else (who lived in another state). By the next summer my long-distance relationship had ended and one of those guys from college? He was my best friend. And today? He is still my Best Friend. He's my hubby! He's the guys I married three years later. See how God works?

That Hubby of mine is such a wonderful earthly example of God's love for me. He sees me without blemish even though he knows some pretty yucky things about me.

Case in point:

A few nights ago when Hubby got home from work, I was frustrated and angry about some things and basically yelled at him for a while. What did he do? He hugged me, talked to me a little and loved me and took me out to dinner. I sure don't deserve the kind of love he has for me. Reminds me of God's love. Majorly, totally unconditional. Full of mercy. Hubby sure didn't respond in a way I deserved, but responded in grace and mercy. How lucky am I to have this earthly example of God's love right here in front of my face?

Anyway... I may have seemed to get a little off track here from my summer of 1981, but like I said at the beginning, it was an important summer for me.

(And by the way, this coming Thursday, Mr. The One, my hubby and I will celebrate 27 years of marriage!!!)

A Song For Saturday

This is another one of those songs from the CDs Megan and Zach gave me for Christmas.

I don't know about any of you, but I sure can use a reminder that Jesus' love never fails. Never. Nothing separates me His love. He has new mercies for me every day. In this world of seemingly constant change, how I need to be reminded He Never Changes. He stays the same through the ages.

The Thing

The thing that makes me, me, the thing that is at my core is my faith in Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine my life without Him. I don't even want to know where I would be without Him. How would I deal with life without the Bible to guide me? I don't want to know.

I have no idea why this popped into my head tonight, but I went searching on YouTube and looked for Billy Graham videos.

(My mom came to Christ as a college student at a Billy Graham Crusade.)

Maybe this will hit home with someone reading this.

A Song For Saturday

Love, love, love this song.

I think the hardest thing for most of us to do is to be still before God. To find rest in Christ alone. To know God is King over the flood.

He is God.

A Song For Saturday

My daughter and son-in-law made me a couple of mix-CDs for Christmas. I have found several new favorite songs on them.

This one is, well...hard to find the words. It speaks of how God is absolutely everything to me.

Sticks and Stones

I came across this saying in a book I have been reading:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, words destroy the heart and spirit.

That struck something in me.

I experienced some incredibly hurtful words spoken to me a few months ago. Satan has tried to use them to destroy my heart and spirit. I know the words were spoken in the midst of great stress and personal pain, but I think maybe those are the times when we need to guard our words the most. When you are hurting is when it's easier to say hurtful things. Words are powerful. I almost wish the person would have thrown a rock at me. In time, that wound would have healed and probably not left a scar.

Proverbs 15:4 says:

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Recovering from hurtful words is very difficult. Healing from being crushed takes a long time. Those words, only five words, have affected how I look at all my relationships.

I realized yesterday that when I don't look at myself through my Father's eyes, I don't see what He sees. I don't trust His lavish love for me. I don't trust His plan for my life. It affects my relationship with Him.

I struggle with this with my husband too. I don't trust what he sees in me and how he loves me and why he loves me. It affects our relationship.

 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1a

I have been praying to see and feel that lavish love of God's. I know He showed it through Jesus and what Jesus did for my sins. I have asked God to show me in my everyday life.

I came across this quote in an article I was reading. (I don't remember who wrote it so I can give them credit.)

God can heal wounds and turn them into "holy scars" that declare God's grace, mercy and purposes. 

I look forward to the day that I can look at this scar left by five words, and only see God's grace, His mercy and His purpose.

God Knows

Minnie Louise Hawkins wrote this poem in 1908. I thought it was fitting to post on the first day of a new year. May we always remember that God Knows. Nothing Surprises Him.

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.