The Reason Behind the Lull

I've been trying to think and pray about the purpose of this blog lately, thus the lull in between posts.

I like to be able to record family events. I like to have an outlet to write out my thoughts and feelings. But I'm just not sure it's serving any purpose any more for anyone other than me. (And maybe that's okay.)

 These are some questions I have:

Is this blog promoting relationships in real life or replacing them with something in the cyber world?

Does this blog provide fun and maybe some entertainment for the readers?

Is this blog leaving the legacy I want? Is it pointing to Christ?

I guess one reason I ask these questions is because I rarely get feedback on what I write (not looking at the few of you who have commented faithfully).

Even though it rubs on me the wrong way to ask, I am going to be bold and ask for some feedback on those questions because I'll never know if I don't step out and ask.  Could you comment in the comment section, or email, text, Facebook, or phone me and give me some feedback?

Here's a song that came to mind as I was thinking this post over. It speaks to the desire of my heart.

One More For The Year

I'm sitting here next to my hubby as we wait for this year of 2012 to close out. It's been a pretty hard year. I remember last New Year's Eve. I cried at the stroke of midnight. 2011 had been a hard year. Both years have been years of hoping and praying for change. No change.

I saw these verses over on Joyce's blog today and it gave me hope. (Thanks for the reminder, Joyce!)

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; 

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:21-26 

 

A couple of weeks ago I was working on some Christmas gifts in my sewing room and ended up watching the movie Fireproof. (It's a really good movie about marriage. Really good.) The song While I'm Waiting played.  The tears came. 

 

Here's a video of the song and the words.

 

 

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

 This just seems like a good thing to pray about for the New Year.

 

I know this isn't an upbeat what-a-great-year-I-can't-wait-for-next-year post, but I'm just keeping it real, people. Keeping it real.

 

Wishing all my readers a genuinely Happy New Year! 

I've Been Learning

Sometimes God allows me to go through really hard times. Sometimes those hard times last a few hours or a few weeks. In those times I learn that God wants me to turn to Him instead of panic. Admittedly, sometimes I panic first. But I'm learning.

I'm also learning that sometimes God allows those hard times to last a few years. I'm in the middle of one of those right now. Well, truthfully, I hope I'm nearing the end of one of those. It's one of those times where God has brought me to a wall and it takes everything I've got to put my head down a plow through it. I've been spending so much more time praying and reading my Bible. I hope I never give that up and that the time spent doing both of those just increases over my lifetime. Time with God is sweet. God gives me the strength to plow ahead. He puts my feet on solid ground. (Psalm 40:2)

So what's been going on for the last several years? Jeepers, where do I start? Both of my babies had the nerve to grow up, go to college and get married. (On the flip side... I am so overwhelmingly proud of both of them!) So my job description has changed dramtically. Although I think I'm getting the hang of the whole empty-nest thing, sometimes the reality and weirdness of it just jumps out and bites me suddenly.

I have a couple of minor-ish but annoying health issues. (heart arrhythmia and back pain)

My mom had a serious heart attack and even more serious reaction to some meds and was in the hospital and very ill for a very long time. Thankfully, she's pretty darn healthy right now and doing great for an 80 year old.

The church we loved dearly in our previous town has changed quite a bit because of the pastors moving on to different jobs. The current leadership has a very different vision.

A couple of good friends died in the last year. So hard to say good-bye and make sense of it all.

Friendships. Ugh. Our list of friends has diminished greatly. Some have been through attrition which we realize happens when people move. But some of those have hurt greatly. Some have basically made it clear their lives are so busy there isn't room for us. Some have said outright they don't want to be friends anymore. Some are just too busy in their day-to-day lives to make time to reach out.

We have made no new friends in this town we have lived in for two and a half years. I attribute that to a few things: being a little gun-shy because of previous broken friendships, living in a small, rural town where people aren't used to having to make new friends because they've always lived here, not having kids to make connections through, and biggest of all --- not finding a church to plug into.

I think this area of friendship has been the hardest wall to get through. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that no one wants to be a friend. But I guess in reality, I'm learning what a good friend really is and how I can be that friend. It is a bit of a struggle for this introvert to think about doing that and I am a little frightened to try to reach out next time I have an opportunity, but I trust God will get my feet on solid ground again and give me the strength. I think these are the things He's teaching me.

But I think the Bible is pretty clear that as Christians, we should have meaningful relationships with other people. Christians and non-Christians. It's difficult to understand why God has brought us to this place where we have no relationships. Yes, we have some very close friends from other places we have lived and are very grateful for those. Yet it's hard to live somewhere where there is no one to call to run out and get some ice cream with, or have over for dinner, or go see a movie with.

We have also learned how tough it is to be in this hard place and have the people around us (long-time friends and some family) wane in their support. I guess when I am not in the same situation as someone, it's easy to think they should just get over it already. They have a good job and a nice house and plenty to eat, what's the problem? I agree and am thankful that God has blessed us with those things. Don't get me wrong, I really am thankful. 

I keep thinking about the book of Job in the Old Testament. I don't understand everything that is in it, and I think it's a reallly loong book, but God, in His wisdom, included it in the Bible. the book describes how Job loses everything he has. Job's response is to say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; may the name of the Lord be praised." At first his friends are sympathetic and just sit with Job in his mourning. But then Job's wife tells him to curse God and die. And Job's response is, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Then Job laments. He asks God "how long?" (and David does that quite a bit in the Psalms). After a while, Job's friends seem to loose patience with him and tell him to just get on with it. I love how Job doesn't turn his back on God. In Job chapter 19, Job says, "I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin had been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God."

I'm learning that God allows us to go through hard times that don't necessarily have a time limit.I guess my point with all this is that I am learning what kind of a friend to be. I'm learning to say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; may the name of the Lord be praised."

I want to be the kind of friend who listens, encourages, doesn't spout platitudes (oh, don't even get me started on that!), doesn't lose patience when someone I care about is struggling with something for a long time. Who am I to declare when God is done with an area He's working on either in me or in someone else?

I know this is all God's process. I know He has an end result in mind. There is a song by Christy Nockels that speaks to my soul. The video is below.  There are a couple of lines that stand out to me:

Sometimes it's hard to grow when everybody's watching. To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best.

And I'll grow up strong and beautiful, all for Your splendor, Lord.

All for Your splendor, Lord.

A Funeral

Today I went to a funeral. I wrote about visiting our friend (Cherri) a couple of weeks ago. I heard about her passing on Sunday and decided to make the drive to attend her funeral. She was only 56 and left behind a sweet husband and two kids that are 18 and 20. Way too young to loose their mother. I sat in the back of the packed sanctuary and went through most of a packet of tissues. I know she's with Jesus and her family are all believers. But the grief is so strong. I don't think I'll ever understand grief.

Cherri told me that she loved to read my blog. I loved the comments she left me.  Here's part of a Facebook message she sent me a couple of years ago. It has been the sweetest feedback I've ever received regarding my blog.

I started reading your blog a few months ago and wanted to say that I truly love it. I randomly pop in about once a week and always get a chuckle and a grin with your latest adventure or comments! Your writing style is very warm and inviting - you offer your readers a glimpse into your life without seeming pushy or making it seem all about you. That is a gift Judy. I so enjoy your wit and sarcasm - and especially get a kick out of your ability to just say what you mean. Hugs to you, dear lady.

She often signed off her comments with "hugs to you."


I saw quite a few people from our old church after the service. It was good to get some hugs and chat a bit. I didn't stick around. I was exhausted emotionally and frankly am tired of having the "same old conversation" with people.


I don't mind talking about the kids and what they are doing. It's fun to brag about them.


I get weary of talking about how our move has gone. I know it's been two years. But they have been two pretty awful years. Hubby really likes his job, and we are thankful for that, but we haven't been able to find a good solid church or make any friends. (I know I've talked about that on here before.)  Lately, we have been driving 45 miles to a pretty good church with a pastor who preaches from the Bible.


The hardest thing about this last move has been the lack of friends. And by lack of friends, I mean no friends. Going back to our previous town and seeing people from our old church hurts. I miss the friendships. Today, I saw someone I used to be friends with, but she has made it clear she doesn't want me in her life. It's a broken friendship I don't understand. There's a story, but the world wide web isn't the place to go into it. I've tried to understand what went wrong, but she doesn't want to talk about it. It just makes my heart sick. I continue to pray for healing. I ask God to heal my heart and not let me be afraid to reach out again to someone in love and friendship.


Anyway, I know this post is a bit of a downer. Just keeping it real, people, just keeping it real.

Marmalade Muffins (Pioneer Woman)

**Another great addition through my Cooking Through PW Cooks Adventure.**  
(believe it or not)

Remember that my girls (daughter and daughter-in-law) and I were working our way through Pioneer Woman's cookbook? (You can click here to see all the other installments.) My last post on that was way back in August! Gulp. The girls and I talked about it over Christmas break and decided that I would carry on the torch alone. They are super, super, super busy with their schooling (They are learning to become a pharmacist and a doctor. I really don't understand why they think they are busy. ha.) (Actually I totally, totally understand.) I asked Hubby if he would bravely try some of the recipes that I had initially passed on to one of the others because I knew he wouldn't like them and he agreed to. I should probably have the pizza delivery guy on speed-dial just in case. I'll do my best to make my way through cooking all the rest of recipes in Ree Drumond's cookbook The Pioneer Woman Cooks, just don't know how long it will take me.

There were just a couple of recipes left to finish up the breakfast section of The Pioneer Woman Cooks.
This was a muffin recipe. Ree calls them Marmalade Muffins, but there really isn't any marmalade in them. Just orangey yumminess.

The cast of characters:

The first step is to cream the butter and sugar together, then add the egg. I should have taken a wider shot to show my 27+ year old hand mixer. I got it for a wedding shower present and have used it for all those years (except for the three years we lived in Singapore).

As I was doing the creaming, I remembered working hard at this step when I was a little girl. I loved to bake even then. I would mix and stir and mix trying to get it all blended, then take the bowl to my mom and ask her if it was good enough and she would take the spoon and somehow magically make it even more smooth.

The ingredients for these muffins are pretty basic. Butter, sugar, egg, flour, baking soda, milk. The really yummy part is the addition of orange zest. All I had on hand were some clementine oranges. I don't know if the zest is the same as a regular orange or not, but these were tasty just the same.

The recipe made 24 mini-muffins. That's a few too many for just two of us, so I made half a recipe and got out one of my mini-muffin pans. But it ended up making.... 24 mini-muffins. I must have different definition of mini than Ree. I guess it's a good thing I didn't make a full recipe!

To finish off the muffins, mix together some brown sugar and orange juice squeezed from the oranges that were zested and pour over the hot muffins and let it soak in. Again, I don't know if it made a difference that I used clementine oranges or not. They seem to be just as orangey as regular ones.

So, the verdict was...

I liked the muffins without the  orangey-syrupy stuff. I thought that made them too sweet and too sticky. The plain muffins were very delicate and I loved the orangey flavor.

Holding Hands

Back in May of 1982 I went on a road trip with this guy I knew to attend the weddings of some friends from college. This guy was someone I knew through my involvement in the college Christian group InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. This guy and I were fast becoming best friends. He was very loyal and seemed to really care about me and my well-being. (And as some of you might guess, this guy became my husband two summers later.) My most vivid memory of that trip (aside from the bright pink sundress with matching bolero jacket with white trim I had made and wore to one of the weddings) was that this guy, who was becoming my best friend, held my hand. In my mind's eye I can still see our hands, fingers intertwined, resting between the seats of his 1980 Mazda GLC hatchback. I remember the security and peace and comfort and even love I felt when he held my hand.

Zip forward to 1990. We added a sweet little girl to our family that February. Her big brother was smitten with her and loved to hold her hand and kiss it. When she got big enough to pull her hand away, he would say to me wistfully, "Mommy, remember when Megan used to let me hold her hand?"

 

Then that little girl learned to walk and I would hold her hand as we walked through a parking lot or in the grocery store to keep her safe and close to me. I remember when Megan was 4 or 5 or 6 or 7, I would feel that sweet little hand slip into mine whenever she felt nervous about a new situation. I grieved when she became confident in herself and the big world around her and didn't need to hold my hand anymore.


I also remember the couple of times I have had to go back to the doctor for "further testing". Both times as I was walking in I prayed, "Hold my hand, Jesus" and reached out my right hand to His and we walked in there together. (Both times the test results did not show anything serious. Praise Jesus.)


There have been many nights in our 27-plus years of marriage that I have fallen asleep holding my husband's hand feeling safe, connected, loved.


This morning I was reading in a new devotional Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young) that I received for my birthday. The last couple of sentences in today's reading:

"Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace.  

Hold My hand in child-like trust, and the way before you will open up step by step." 

I read these verses to my mom when she was in the ICU two years ago:

Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, 

and afterward You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but You?

And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

                                                              Psalm 73:23-26 

Isn't it just the coolest thing that Jesus holds our hand? When I visualize that I feel loved, safe, peaceful, secure, protected, and cherished.

Hold my hand, Jesus, hold my hand.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Dear Hubby,
I am praising God today that you were born. (50 years ago...) (Just had to get that in there...)
I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You are my best friend. Thank you for devoting your life to Christ, to me, Caleb and Megan and now to Amanda and Zach.


If I had to choose one word to describe you it would be commitment. 
You are committed to your relationship with God, and you are committed to me and our marriage.


We've had some joyous times in our marriage and we've been through some pretty tough times. Through it all you have stayed committed. You've chosen to stand by me no matter what. (Even though I said those words in my wedding vows to you, you have done the same to me.)
Thank you for being my partner in life. For being my partner in raising our two amazing kids.
I appreciate your example of seeking after God. You have sat by me and read to me from the Psalms when I have been sick. (Remember those days I was in the hospital in Singapore and you read the Psalms to me? I sure do.)

A couple of Christmases ago you gave me this little plaque:

That says Commitment to me. How blessed am I to have you in my life?

 

This past Christmas I gave you this to remind us that even though we are done with having children in our home, that we are done with the day to day job of raising them, that our life together is changing from what it was for many years, what it had been for most of our marriage, it is still you & me. Always.

A few weeks ago we saw this video of Dancing in the Minefields. There is a line that says:

But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin

Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found

Remember that Keith Green concert we went to back in 1982?  (We weren't even dating yet. You were just my best friend.) Do you recall how we sang to each other?  

Remember there's no greater love to lay down your life for a friend.

What a life we have found in being able to lay our lives down for each other! You have done that for me countless times in so many big and small ways. Thank you are such inadequate words. 

So, sweetie, let's grab a hold of each others hands and go dancing in the minefields. Life with you is so worth every hard time and such a thrill to have the wonderful, joyous times to celebrate together.

I am so blessed for you to be apart of my life for the past almost 30 years. (Way more than half our lives, baby!)

Love Always,

Sticks and Stones

I came across this saying in a book I have been reading:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, words destroy the heart and spirit.

That struck something in me.

I experienced some incredibly hurtful words spoken to me a few months ago. Satan has tried to use them to destroy my heart and spirit. I know the words were spoken in the midst of great stress and personal pain, but I think maybe those are the times when we need to guard our words the most. When you are hurting is when it's easier to say hurtful things. Words are powerful. I almost wish the person would have thrown a rock at me. In time, that wound would have healed and probably not left a scar.

Proverbs 15:4 says:

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Recovering from hurtful words is very difficult. Healing from being crushed takes a long time. Those words, only five words, have affected how I look at all my relationships.

I realized yesterday that when I don't look at myself through my Father's eyes, I don't see what He sees. I don't trust His lavish love for me. I don't trust His plan for my life. It affects my relationship with Him.

I struggle with this with my husband too. I don't trust what he sees in me and how he loves me and why he loves me. It affects our relationship.

 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1a

I have been praying to see and feel that lavish love of God's. I know He showed it through Jesus and what Jesus did for my sins. I have asked God to show me in my everyday life.

I came across this quote in an article I was reading. (I don't remember who wrote it so I can give them credit.)

God can heal wounds and turn them into "holy scars" that declare God's grace, mercy and purposes. 

I look forward to the day that I can look at this scar left by five words, and only see God's grace, His mercy and His purpose.

Amazed

<sup>There are times in this Christian walk I am on, that I have no choice but to sit back and shake my head in amazement.

Sometimes I am amazed at the hard things: the friends who are getting divorced after almost 30 years of marriage; the cruel things said by someone close who should be a cheerleader rather than a criticizer; the cluelessness of the lost.

Sometimes I am amazed at the overwhelming goodness of God: the Bible verse I read that speaks amazingly specifically to something I am struggling with; sunshine; a song on the radio; the unconditional love of my hubby; friends who take time out of their lives just to help me (and I didn't even ask).

I struggle with throwing around the phrase "God is good." It's not that I think He is not good sometimes. I believe He is good all the time. Yes, He is even good in those terrible heart wrenching times: when the divorce comes at you, when family members treat you badly, when children grow up too fast. He is good then because He always loves me even through those kinds of things. God goes out of his way to show me His love. Even if He is breaking me to teach me how to be more faithful to Him, He is good and He loves me. I think Christians tend to throw around the "God is good" phrase too haphazardly especially when our lives are going the way we want them too. But can we say "God is good" even when things in life stink? I'm learning to.

This verse is one that I have been aware of for several years:</sup>

^{The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17}

I just can't quite wrap my brain around God rejoicing over me with singing. What in the world does that look like? I picture me holding my sweet little babies, or sitting on the edge of their beds and singing to them. Is that's what it's like? Does God try to calm me with a song? Does God look at me and do a little happy dance and break into song? Amazing. Simply amazing.

As I was thinking this over, this song came to mind. Worship God with this.

All The Way my Savior Leads Me

Warning: Authentic post ahead.

I have been experiencing a very lonely couple of months. I've gone through a couple of tough things that I wish I could have just not done (one being a doctors appointment), but they had to be done. I spent a lot of time crying to God, crying in my pillow, feeling sad. In the past when I have felt like this, I have blubbered all over some close friends and my husband. This time I tried to keep it to myself.

Do you know how loving and amazing God is? A couple of weeks ago, in His kind, gentle way, He began to show me His love. It started with the results of a routine test that I was concerned about coming back negative. I was so thrilled I cried.

Last Friday when I was shopping I called home to see if there were any voice mails. There was one from an old college friend. It has been close to a year since I have talked with her. At first I was bummed that I had missed talking to her. But I was able to call her when I was driving through the Big City. We talked for an hour. That was so refreshing and such a gift. (And it helped get through the rush hour traffic with no stress.)

I also was able to visit (for three hours!) a dear friend and show her the dress I had bought for my son's wedding. (During that visit my husband called to read me a letter saying that my other routine test was also negative. I was so thrilled I jumped up and down!)

Then to top it off my husband and I had a sweet weekend together.

I was feeling so loved by my God. It was as if He was putting His big, strong, gentle arms around me and telling me, "Yes, Judy, you are loved. I care for you. You have friends that care for you."

As I was driving home I was listening to Chris Tomlin's newest CD. At the end is a song using the words from Fanny Crosby's hymn "All the Way My Savior Leads Me."

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

I listened to that song so many times on the way home. It soothed my soul. Maybe it will do the same for you:

How has God shown His love for you?

Authentic

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago about blogging. She is a friend IRL (In Real Life) and a fellow blogger.

We were pondering how authentic to be on our blogs. I read some bloggers that have a real gift for writing about struggles without giving minute details. My friend and I agreed "that airing dirty laundry" is not in good taste. On the other hand, to only write about how everything is totally great isn't ideal either. It gives the impression that we have fairy tale lives. Which is obviously not true.

One of my goals in my life is to be an authentic Christian and an authentic person. Kind of the same thing, I guess, since the person I am is a Christian.

On that note....

Last week was a tough week. I had a doctor's appointment. I really don't like going to the doctor for the yearly check-up. I managed to put it off for six months, and kind of got chewed out by the doctor for that. The check-up is disagreeable for obvious reasons. But I think I dislike more the list of things that I seem to not be doing right: from exercising to taking vitamins. Then there's the tests and the wait for the results. I manage to get through it, but it comes back to me every year. I just find it all very discouraging. The same goes for dentist appointments. Nope I don't floss. I only brush my teeth once a day. (But I did switch to an electric toothbrush! Good news!)

Then there was the a hard conversation I had with a loved one. It was a productive conversation. But, like my doctor appointments, I felt discouraged. It was good to get thoughts out and things did end well with hugs and I love you's. But it was hard and kind of yucky.

I guess sometimes I'd like a pat on the back saying that I did a good job. I will try to make that my goal for my next yearly exam. To change my actions so there is an improvement and an acknowledgment of that. Oh to not hear "do you think you can do better?" I heard that growing up a lot and it was more discouraging to me than motivating. Yes, one can probably always do better, but is it so bad to want a pat on the back for what one has accomplished?

I came across the following video by Nicole Nordeman. These words say it for me:

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Living in the flesh really stinks

Oh how I relate to Paul's words in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Verse 21: "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me..."

I know that is somewhat of a mind twister to sort out. But I feel like so many times I want to do good, I know how to do good, but that evil, sinful nature is right there and I choose to do what I hate. And worst of all, the the process, make stupid, stupid choices that hurts those around me or cause those around me to compromise their convictions so they won't offend me. How dare I put them in that position. That truly grieves me and I am sorry and beg their forgiveness.

I want to live in grace. And praise God that He is a God of second chances and third chances and sixteen-bazillion chances!! He again says through Paul:
"...my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

After I quit kicking myself I will work on, for Christ's sake, delighting in my weaknesses. And then I will:
forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead, and press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Well, I got a little more self-kicking to do and then work on asking God for His power in my life and start pressing on towards the goal. Thanks to those of you in my life who love me and care for me despite my shortcomings. I hope I am as gracious to you.

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Give Me Words to Speak

Calloused and bruised
Dazed and confused
My spirit is left wanting something more
My selfish hopes, my selfish dreams
I'm lying with my face down on the floor
Crying out for more, crying out for more

So give me words to speak
Don't let my spirit sleep
'Cause I can't think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me words to speak
Don't let my spirit sleep

Every night, every day
I find that I have nothing I can say
So I stand here in silence waiting Your guidance
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let 'em be Your words, let 'em be Your words.
-Aaron Shust

I feel that when I open my mouth I don't say the things I mean to say especially when I use my own strength. Aaron Shust sure knows how to put into words what I mean from the heart. I am so sorry when I say things that hurt the ones I love. I want these words to be my prayer. My selfish hopes and my selfish dreams get just in the way. All that really matters is that I owe Jesus my life. Give me words to speak.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above the heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

***Enough of the sober stuff. Time to move on to dancing to my iPod in the hotel room. :) Some Travis Cottrell "In the Sanctuary" is just the ticket. Psalm 134: We lift our hands in the sanctuary. We will praise you for the rest of our days. Yes, Lord, for the rest of our days! Excuse me for a few minutes....***

Whew!! That felt good! Just be glad no one was here 'cept me and God and it was only meant for Him anyway... :) Music is a great gift from the Lord.

More on our weekend in Lawrence later...

Light

If there is one thing I am learning in life as a Christian, it is that often God gives us just enough light for the step I'm on.

Trust.

Why do I lack it when God has yet to fail me? I pray as I move on in my life I remember God's faithfulness to me and my loved ones face difficult times. It seems the more difficult thing is waiting on God's timing. But his timing is always perfect. Just think how we'd mess things up if we rushed ahead. I am so guilty of wanting to do that.

Just Enough Light
Sometimes only the step I'm on,
or the very next one ahead,
is all that is illuminated for me.
God gives just the amount of light I need
for the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
unable to see the future
and not fully comprehending the past.
And because it is God who has given me
what light I have,
I know I must reject the fear and
doubt that threaten to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me where
I need to go.
I walk forward,
one step at a time,
fully trusting that
the light God sheds
is absolutely sufficient.

-Stormie Omartian