Exhausted

Hubby and I came back home last night. I wanted to sleep in my own bed, but I seem to be too exhausted to actually sleep, if that is even possible.

Update on my Mom:

Mom had a stroke that affected the left side of her brain and therefore has paralyzed the right side of her body and taken her speech away. She recognizes friends and family,and we get greeted with a lopsided smile. She lights up and puckers up for a kiss when my dad comes near. Those two truly love each other. I took this picture Saturday evening  before Mom was moved out of the ICU.

Such love. Sixty-plus years worth of love. Such an amazing privilege to have this marriage as an example. 

Mom is really struggling with so many things, I can't list them and besides it freaks me out a little to do so.

Over the weekend we all spent time with Mom alternated with all hanging out in the waiting room, either crying or calling or texting family and friends with updates or telling stories or talking about what insects are on our acceptable list or the tolerable list. (Gotta cope somehow, right?) Both of my sisters and brothers-in-law were there along with my brother and sister-in-law. One of my nieces came and my son and daughter-in-law. I think it was so good for us all to be together.

My son said that they came fifty percent for Grandpa and Grandma and fifty percent for me. They were such a gift to me. My son gives the best hugs and his sense of humor and way of noticing odd things was much needed. My daughter-in-law is a doctor and was so very sweet to answer our bazillion questions and draw pictures of the brain and the heart and explain how everything works.

A few of us sang Amazing Grace to Mom. We all cried on the verse that says:

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

My dad is wiped out. I haven't seen him cry too many times in my life. Over the weekend he broke down many, many times. So very hard to see.

My daughter is going to see her grandma tomorrow. I will drive back to Iowa to be with her and see my dad and my mom again. I think that waiting until tomorrow to see my daughter is too long, but I guess I have to wait. I am so anxious to see her.

Last summer I made a quilt for my mom. I took it from their house on Sunday and gave it to Mom and told her that a quilt is love and she can have it there at the hospital and know that I love her. She pulled at the quilt and looked me in the eye and tried to say something. I heard some noises, but no words.

Here's a picture I took of Mom last summer with the quilt:

I know this post may not make very much sense.  I am really hurting and it's hard to put coherent thoughts together.

Over the weekend the words to the hymn Jesus I am Resting, Resting kept going through my mind. Especially this verse:

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings,
Thine is love indeed.
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art.
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

I cannot even count the number of times I have called out Jesus' name in my prayers and in my agony.

Month of Thankfulness - Day 6

Today was a bit of an Eclectic Election Day.

(See what I did there with that clever use of words?? I amuse myself.)

I did a load of laundry.

I remembered my long-time friend who died a year ago today. I prayed for her family. I cried. I missed her. I gasped when I saw her picture on her sister's Facebook wall. I cried.

I had mac and cheese with bits of lobster in it for lunch.

I voted.

I bought a potato that weighed 1.6 pounds. Yikes!

I knocked the mouth off of a giraffe.

I fixed potato bologna and mashed potatoes and peas for supper. Cherry pie is later.

Wait... what's that you ask? How did I knock the mouth off of a giraffe?

Poor Giraffe. I knocked it off the shelf it was sitting on and the mouth broke off. I just need to figure out what kind of glue to use to fix it. My parents bought it in Uganda for me.


I am thankful for...
...having the privilege to vote
...mashed potatoes
...prayer when I don't know how else I can help my friend's family in their grief
...glue

A Funeral

Today I went to a funeral. I wrote about visiting our friend (Cherri) a couple of weeks ago. I heard about her passing on Sunday and decided to make the drive to attend her funeral. She was only 56 and left behind a sweet husband and two kids that are 18 and 20. Way too young to loose their mother. I sat in the back of the packed sanctuary and went through most of a packet of tissues. I know she's with Jesus and her family are all believers. But the grief is so strong. I don't think I'll ever understand grief.

Cherri told me that she loved to read my blog. I loved the comments she left me.  Here's part of a Facebook message she sent me a couple of years ago. It has been the sweetest feedback I've ever received regarding my blog.

I started reading your blog a few months ago and wanted to say that I truly love it. I randomly pop in about once a week and always get a chuckle and a grin with your latest adventure or comments! Your writing style is very warm and inviting - you offer your readers a glimpse into your life without seeming pushy or making it seem all about you. That is a gift Judy. I so enjoy your wit and sarcasm - and especially get a kick out of your ability to just say what you mean. Hugs to you, dear lady.

She often signed off her comments with "hugs to you."


I saw quite a few people from our old church after the service. It was good to get some hugs and chat a bit. I didn't stick around. I was exhausted emotionally and frankly am tired of having the "same old conversation" with people.


I don't mind talking about the kids and what they are doing. It's fun to brag about them.


I get weary of talking about how our move has gone. I know it's been two years. But they have been two pretty awful years. Hubby really likes his job, and we are thankful for that, but we haven't been able to find a good solid church or make any friends. (I know I've talked about that on here before.)  Lately, we have been driving 45 miles to a pretty good church with a pastor who preaches from the Bible.


The hardest thing about this last move has been the lack of friends. And by lack of friends, I mean no friends. Going back to our previous town and seeing people from our old church hurts. I miss the friendships. Today, I saw someone I used to be friends with, but she has made it clear she doesn't want me in her life. It's a broken friendship I don't understand. There's a story, but the world wide web isn't the place to go into it. I've tried to understand what went wrong, but she doesn't want to talk about it. It just makes my heart sick. I continue to pray for healing. I ask God to heal my heart and not let me be afraid to reach out again to someone in love and friendship.


Anyway, I know this post is a bit of a downer. Just keeping it real, people, just keeping it real.