Exhausted

Hubby and I came back home last night. I wanted to sleep in my own bed, but I seem to be too exhausted to actually sleep, if that is even possible.

Update on my Mom:

Mom had a stroke that affected the left side of her brain and therefore has paralyzed the right side of her body and taken her speech away. She recognizes friends and family,and we get greeted with a lopsided smile. She lights up and puckers up for a kiss when my dad comes near. Those two truly love each other. I took this picture Saturday evening  before Mom was moved out of the ICU.

Such love. Sixty-plus years worth of love. Such an amazing privilege to have this marriage as an example. 

Mom is really struggling with so many things, I can't list them and besides it freaks me out a little to do so.

Over the weekend we all spent time with Mom alternated with all hanging out in the waiting room, either crying or calling or texting family and friends with updates or telling stories or talking about what insects are on our acceptable list or the tolerable list. (Gotta cope somehow, right?) Both of my sisters and brothers-in-law were there along with my brother and sister-in-law. One of my nieces came and my son and daughter-in-law. I think it was so good for us all to be together.

My son said that they came fifty percent for Grandpa and Grandma and fifty percent for me. They were such a gift to me. My son gives the best hugs and his sense of humor and way of noticing odd things was much needed. My daughter-in-law is a doctor and was so very sweet to answer our bazillion questions and draw pictures of the brain and the heart and explain how everything works.

A few of us sang Amazing Grace to Mom. We all cried on the verse that says:

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

My dad is wiped out. I haven't seen him cry too many times in my life. Over the weekend he broke down many, many times. So very hard to see.

My daughter is going to see her grandma tomorrow. I will drive back to Iowa to be with her and see my dad and my mom again. I think that waiting until tomorrow to see my daughter is too long, but I guess I have to wait. I am so anxious to see her.

Last summer I made a quilt for my mom. I took it from their house on Sunday and gave it to Mom and told her that a quilt is love and she can have it there at the hospital and know that I love her. She pulled at the quilt and looked me in the eye and tried to say something. I heard some noises, but no words.

Here's a picture I took of Mom last summer with the quilt:

I know this post may not make very much sense.  I am really hurting and it's hard to put coherent thoughts together.

Over the weekend the words to the hymn Jesus I am Resting, Resting kept going through my mind. Especially this verse:

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings,
Thine is love indeed.
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art.
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

I cannot even count the number of times I have called out Jesus' name in my prayers and in my agony.