She Speaks In Her Silence

(I wrote this for my mom for Mother's Day. I read it to my parents and my siblings after our Mother's Day lunch together. I thought I would share it here.)

At 6:25pm on Friday, September 6, 2013, my mother lost her ability to speak due to brain damage from a stroke. I was blessed with a phone conversation with her only four hours before. We talked for thirty-three minutes and thirty-one seconds. The phone call was cut short because of friends that stopped by to visit my mom. I don’t remember everything we talked about that day. I wish I did. I do remember I tried to sound like I knew something about Iowa State football and she laughingly pointed out I was wrong. Mom is an avid Iowa State sports fan. While I am an Iowa State grad, I don’t really care about sports. I wonder what we would have talked about if we knew that was the last time she would be able to talk to me.

Since that Friday night, Mom has not been able to speak words. But still she speaks in her silence. I can still hear the exclamation I received later that week in September when I walked into her hospital room and the even louder sounds when my son and daughter have been to visit. There have been times when Mom looks me in the eye and I can see very clearly that she is saying, “I love you”. She can nod her head to indicate yes, and she can shake her head to indicate no. A couple of months ago I was sitting with my husband and my dad in the living room turned bedroom at my parents’ home. The three of us were having a pretty serious conversation about some hard stuff I have been struggling with. The conversation went long into the night, long after Mom had been helped into bed for the night. Several times we asked her if she wanted us to leave so she could go to sleep. Her answer was a quite definite shake of her head “no” even though she had her eyes closed. So we stayed and talked. Mom listened. When we finally decided we better go to bed, I went around to my mom’s side of the bed to tell her good-night. She reached up to me with her left arm to give me a big hug and said “Awwww”. In that sound I heard and in her eyes I saw, “I’m sorry you’re struggling, Judy. I love you and I feel bad for you.”

She speaks in her silence.

I pray for her to regain her speech at some time just so my dad can hear her voice say and “I love you” or “thank you” or just his name.

She listens to conversations around her and will even chuckle at something funny. I’ve witnessed her outright giggling at my dad. That was an awesome moment.

Since that night in September I have remembered numerous conversations from the past with my mom. I remember the things she taught me as I was growing up.

She taught me to love family through her loyalty to her husband and us kids. My devotion to my own family is rooted in this.

She taught me how to do my profession of a homemaker. She taught me how to clean, sew, read recipes, have good manners, how to set a table, how to cook and bake.

Most importantly, she taught me about Jesus. She taught me that studying the Bible never grows old. She has participated in Bible studies ever since she became a Christian during her college days.

In all these things I still hear her voice in my head. I hope I never stop even after Jesus calls her home.

I miss her phone calls. I miss her saying, “I love you”.

But…

She Speaks In Her Silence.

…and I am grateful.

The Reason Behind the Lull

I've been trying to think and pray about the purpose of this blog lately, thus the lull in between posts.

I like to be able to record family events. I like to have an outlet to write out my thoughts and feelings. But I'm just not sure it's serving any purpose any more for anyone other than me. (And maybe that's okay.)

 These are some questions I have:

Is this blog promoting relationships in real life or replacing them with something in the cyber world?

Does this blog provide fun and maybe some entertainment for the readers?

Is this blog leaving the legacy I want? Is it pointing to Christ?

I guess one reason I ask these questions is because I rarely get feedback on what I write (not looking at the few of you who have commented faithfully).

Even though it rubs on me the wrong way to ask, I am going to be bold and ask for some feedback on those questions because I'll never know if I don't step out and ask.  Could you comment in the comment section, or email, text, Facebook, or phone me and give me some feedback?

Here's a song that came to mind as I was thinking this post over. It speaks to the desire of my heart.

Looking To The New Year

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; 

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:21-26

Christmas With Mom and Dad

The first Saturday of this month my side of the family got together to celebrate Christmas. There were 27 of us total. Four generations. Everyone was there (except a nephew who was taking the SAT test), sisters, brother, in-laws, nieces, nephews all the way down to my parents' six great-grandchildren.

This was a Christmas celebration that I both looked forward to and dreaded. This was the first Christmas since my mom's stroke. One thought that went through all of our minds after Mom's stroke, I think, was that Christmas will never be the same. Mom always made Christmas special. Always. From the traditional foods (Spritz, Potato Bologna, Fruit Cake, Pecan Dreams, Swedish Brown Beans, Swedish Rye Bread, Mashed Potatoes, etc...), to decorating every single room in their house, to the mantel with 29 stockings, to the schedule for the evening: everyone assigned jobs to help get the meal on the table, eating a wonderful, abundant meal, washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen (this added much to the drama of waiting, but we did it this way all my growing up years), then finally getting to open presents.

My dad was able to reserve some nice rooms in the home where my mom is living right now. We did our best to carry on with some of the traditions, namely the Christmas stockings. We were able to hang them all up across the bar in one of the rooms. They were quite the sight:

My oldest niece is a cosmetologist. She and her mom (my sister) picked out a pretty Christmas sweater for Mom and put some make-up on Mom and fixed her hair very nicely. I thought she looked so very pretty. Here is Mom and Dad together:

 I love that Mom is able to give a full smile and not the half-smile she gave three months ago.


We all enjoyed lunch and dinner together. 

I brought some Swedish Potato Bologna for Mom. She has made it for Christmas every year for as long as I can remember. One of our local grocery stores makes it and sells it through the holidays.

 It's so good to see Mom feeding herself. She manages a lot with her left hand and is able to eat mostly regular food. Dad helps her with each meal.

This little one (one of my niece's twins) was being kind of fussy, so Hubby took her and sat down at the piano and starting playing. She sat there for the longest time listening. It was sweet.

My wonderful, dear, sweet husband prepared his own gift for his mother-in-law. He spent a month looking through his piano music picking out hymns to play for my mom.  Mom has occasionally hummed along to a familiar song and he wanted to gift her with well-loved hymns to trigger that part of her brain.

We gathered in one room and sang together.

As we were singing some Christmas songs, I watched Mom. At one point I saw her mouthing the words to O Come All Ye Faithful!!! Mom doesn't say any words. She readily shakes her head "no" and with some effort can nod her head "yes", so to see her forming words was just amazing! I was so taken up in the moment, that I didn't get a picture or video. Nevertheless, I will never forget that moment! Never.

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him, born the King of angels

I am so very thankful that my mom is one of those Faithful.

Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad. I love you both!

The One About Thanksgiving

Backing up to our Thanksgiving weekend...

Our kids invited us to come to their house in Kansas City for the long weekend. We eagerly accepted. (All four kids are currently living in the same house, so it makes visiting pretty easy!)

Our daughter, Megan, and daughter-in-law, Amanda, put together a very yummy Thanksgiving dinner.

Charley (Megan and Zach's dog) got in on the celebration with a Pupcake to celebrate his third birthday.

Charley also enjoyed watching the dog-show on television. Grin.

The week before Thanksgiving, I hunted around on Pinterest (yay Pinterest!) to find an idea for a craft we could all do together. I found some directions for a folded fabric star. In my head I thought, "Fabric? I can do that!" This craft didn't cost me anything! I cut and pressed the fabric strips at home and packed everything up to take along with us. I wasn't sure everyone would want to participate, but we all sat down around the table and dug in. It turns out that the directions weren't very complete, but between all of us, we figured it out (and had some good laughs along the way).

I really loved how they turned out. I gave the red/white candy cane one to my mom to hang in her room. I've since made several more stars in different fabrics to give to people over Christmas.


The day after Thanksgiving did not find any of us out shopping. None of us really like messing with the crowds of people. (Although, the hotel Hubby and I stayed in was next to the Country Club Plaza shopping area and there was a big turning on the Christmas light celebration there that weekend and that made the hotel very crowded with people, so we didn't avoid the crowds, totally!)  We did, however make a little road trip over to Lawrence to go to an arts and crafts show going on there. Several of Hubby's relatives were selling their creations and we wanted to see them and their goods.

The December Hodgepodge

Here goes my one and only December Wednesday Hodgepodge! Head on over to Joyce's at From This Side of the Pond to read other blogger's answers.

1. Do you believe in miracles?
Yep. I think I don't even realize the number of miracles that occur around me and in my life. I need to pray for God to open my eyes to those things, so I can praise Him for those miracles.

2. What's a recent fad you admit to trying?
Is putting a bright color in your hair a fad? Probably. I sneaked a little bright pink in my hair at my last appointment. It's not terribly obvious but I love it! (Might need to make it a little more obvious next time. ha.) 

3. Peppermint-are you a fan? If so, what's your favorite food or beverage containing peppermint?
Yes, yes, yes! I love peppermint any time of the year. I splurged today and bought some peppermint ice cream. I am usually strictly a chocolate girl when it come to ice cream. My exception to that is peppermint ice cream. (Although if I can drizzle some chocolate syrup on, even better!) Last weekend I bought some Peppermint Joe-Joe's (kinda like Oreos) from Trader Joe's.  I've had a couple and now am trying to forget how amazing they are. Writing about it isn't helping much... 

4. Break the ice, on thin ice, as cold as ice (emotionally, not literally)...which phrase have you run into most recently? Explain.
Sorry, but all I can think about when I read those expressions is how cold is has been here in the north-land. Can winter be over now please? A Facebook friend wrote last week how he was tired of winter and it wasn't Christmas or even technically winter yet. Hubby commented and said, "I'm sick of next winter and we haven't made it through this one." (I know that doesn't really answer the question...Oh Well.)

 5. Have you ever broken or spilled something in someone else's home? Still friends?
Many, many years ago when we lived in Missouri, our family visited the new home of a new engineer that worked with my hubby. They gave all of us some cans of pop as we looked around their house. One of the kids (I think it was a kid...yes, let's blame this on a kid...) dropped their can of pop all over the kitchen floor. I don't think it damaged anything, but it was embarrassing to leave a mess in someone's house we barely knew. Interestingly, years later, this same engineer, who is now in upper management in the company, was Hubby's boss for a few years! He never held it against us. 

6.  'Tis the week before Christmas...are you feeling more like Buddy the Elf or the Grinch before his heart grew?
Well, I never thought I would be one of those people, but I am feeling like the Grinch. (The reasons why are not going out into the world wide web.) Hopefully that will change over the next week. 

7. Share a favorite quote relating to Christmas.

"...with the dawn of Redeeming Grace."  

Last week Hubby and I went to a Mannheim Steamroller concert and I was caught up in worshipping while they were performing Silent Night and that one line stood out to me.

I am so grateful for that redeeming grace. 

8.  Insert your own random thought here.  

Hubby took this picture at an art/craft show we went to over Thanksgiving. I would call this creatively weird and random.

Turkey Day

I am thankful for...
...having Thankksgiving dinner with my family
...turkey
...a loving husband
...pumpkin pie (my mom's recipe is the best)