We have a tradition in our church of sharing testimonies in the month leading up to Christmas and the month leading up to Easter. In December our pastor asked me to share my testimony. Here it is:
I had the privilege of growing up in a Christian home. I will be forever grateful to my parents for teaching me Christian values and for providing opportunities for training through church attendance, Sunday school and summer camps. I don’t remember an exact moment when I became a Christian, but I know I am God’s and I know He is mine.
Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."
This verse is so comforting. I know God's name, I trust in God, I seek God. Because of that He will NEVER quit on me, He will NEVER leave me, He will NEVER abandon me, He will NEVER stop pursuing me.
In high school and the first year and a half of college I really struggled to “make my faith my own.” I knew that I couldn’t live on my parents’ faith. I wasn’t always successful in this process. I made some stupid choices and have some regrets. There were wrongs done against me that I have struggled with how to work through and how to deal with. Some of those led to my stupid choices. But through all that, God pursued me. When I was 19, God first told me – at least it was the first time I heard – that He wanted to be in ALL parts of my life. I was at a camp in Colorado. I remember very clearly a talk given about God being in the center of my life and not just a piece of it that I would only refer to once in a while.
There was a certain handsome man I met at Iowa State who pursued me because he thought I was worth the pursuit. And like my husband continues to pursue me because he sees me as worthy, God has pursued me as His daughter. God blessed me with a better husband than I could have hoped for. God has given me an amazing example of His love for me through Pete. Peter’s name means Rock, and he fits the name. Pete has always stuck by me no matter what trials I have been through, or what selfish phase I am going through. God is that way too – He sticks by me and pursues me. And when someone is pursuing you, at some point you have to make the choice and take the risk to give them your heart. I gave my heart to Pete (obviously) and I gave my heart to God. He has done a lot of work on my heart.
In 1998 Pete’s job took us to Singapore where we lived for 3 years. It was a very difficult transition for me. Several things seemed to go wrong when we first moved, including me spending most of the first week there in the hospital with a severe case of strep throat. I was in a depression for about 6 months and very angry with God (& with Pete). I had a hard time even praying with the kids when I tucked them in to bed at night. Despite my feelings about God I decided to participate in a Bible study at the church we went to. The study was about the life of David. I chose that one because of what I knew about David, that God had called Him to be king and then everything seemed to go wrong in his life. This was intriguing to me. About a month into the study, we were watching a video lecture by the author and she quoted Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” She talked about God having a plan for my life and if God has a plan, then Satan has a plan and it’s the opposite of God’s plan – plans to harm me and NOT give me any hope NOT give me a future. Well, that just smacked me across the face. I was letting Satan win and render me ineffective. I did not want that. That was a turning point. God continued to pursue me and show me His grace and mercy through the experiences of life overseas, travels, the friendships made, and the bond it brought within my family.
Life in Hutchinson, these last seven years, has been more of God teaching me how to make my faith work in my daily life. I have had nagging questions answered. I have learned a lot about how to deal with the wrongs done against me and how to have God-pleasing relationships with my extended family while still having boundaries drawn. I feel like I am at the point where I have realized that all that matters is God. I am thankful for the privilege to, along with Pete, teach our children about God and help them learn how to make their faith their own. And it brings great joy to my heart to see that they are doing that.
This past 6 months or so God has literally been working on my heart. I have had some odd sensations with my heart and have been through a multitude of tests. Basically the conclusion is that I have an arrhythmia. Pete and I and the doctor are in the process of deciding what to do about that: Whether to go with medication, and what type, or no medication. As I look back over this experience, the general feeling I get is one of God showing me His love and me learning how to rest in that -- and how to be okay with just that.
I sat down recently to write a list of how I have seen and experienced God’s blessings and His power in my life. A list of 20 things just quickly poured out of me. They included things from: flowers from my husband - to my husband’s unconditional love - to the joy in my son and daughter’s lives - to text messages from friends - to seeing a meteor shoot across the summer sky - to practical joking friends – to deep friendships - to a church body who I know would do anything for me and my family and who upholds me in prayer.
I'm thankful for the bounty of God's grace, mercy, love, and long suffering. It is unfathomable that He loves me when I feel so unworthy. His grace is amazing. His mercy reaches far beyond all of my faults. He is patient and long suffering, even when I fight His will. He gently nudges me on in the right direction. What an amazing God we serve!
And what about me? Who am I? I am a wife to a fantastic husband. I am a mother to two amazing kids. I soon will work my self out of the job of being a daily mom when Megan leaves for college. I am a friend, a daughter, and a sister. I am all of those things, but lately, I am learning and listening and seeing that there is only one job, one identity that is truly important.
I am His.
So when I am doing the laundry and the dishes, and cooking dinner, my prayer is that I will reflect what Christ would have me be through Him. When I try to do everything in my own strength, I fail miserably. It is when I give it all to God that His love shines through, not mine. Only when I humble myself and remember what I am not, can I share with other people what an awesome God He is.
My prayer, my hope, is that when people meet me, they won't wonder what I do, or who I am. They won't even want to know anything about me, but somehow through my faith and failures in this imperfect life I live, they will want to know The God who helps me through it all.
When they look at me, they will only see Him for Who He is. They will see His goodness. His mercy. His love. And they will turn to Him and say, "Nice to meet You."
